addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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