You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
