i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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