I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
