just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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