I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
