So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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