there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
