I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
