Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
