Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
