I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
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Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
What drink are we having for lunch?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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