Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
