the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
