Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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