It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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