just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
When did angry sex become our thing?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
