It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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