if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
