Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
