i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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