He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
