some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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