Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
