she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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