just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm passing your future prison.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize
