There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
