Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think a kid would responsible me up
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
