remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
