i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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