By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
