I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Still dying that you shit outside
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
