you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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