I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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