she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
