That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
