went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
