her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
