Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
