then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
