When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
