We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
