This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
