I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
