he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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