You just made me feel so damn special
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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