Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
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She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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