Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
