At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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