If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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