Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
