Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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