just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
