White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
