When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
where are you?
Hypothermia
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
