Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
