i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
