so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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