this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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