Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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