I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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