Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
