never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
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The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
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You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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