Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
