I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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