They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Randomize
