I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Randomize
