In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
